My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
