there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We are two peas in an std pod
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
