Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
