Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
