I feel great
I just peed on a car
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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