So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
