So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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