when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
