It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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