Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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