I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
