we were pretty classy up until the second keg
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
