So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
