In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
