Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
