Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
