I wannas sexs uuuuu
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
