i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Walk of Shame today included voting.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
