**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize