his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drunk is not a location!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
