Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
