franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
