he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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