so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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