you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize