Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
