fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
