don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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