My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just invented taco cereal.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
