i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
