we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
