so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I lost the right to judge tonight
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
