don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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