Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
