direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
