Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
