Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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