I can't breathe out the right side of my face
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
