It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
