true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if only i could text you this smell
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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