Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
and you fell through a lawn chair
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
