you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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