hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
