If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
