doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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