i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
