I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
