I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
