Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
