I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
