I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
