Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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