rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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