He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
