Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
