Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize