I need help removing her.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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