So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
