I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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