you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
