I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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