I smell stomach acid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
