You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
