respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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