zippers are such a cool invention
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
