we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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