i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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