just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize