Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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