Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
