im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize