Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
420 ftw
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
