K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
