Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
