So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
