This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
