We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize