When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
