I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
