not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
