i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
