sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
