There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
