Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
