My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
