At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
