i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
