it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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