he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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