do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
