no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
