I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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