you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize