Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
