This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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