this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
