So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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