he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
