i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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