anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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