I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
