this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
