Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
