remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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