Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
