Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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