Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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