i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
