wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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