some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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