At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
