:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
