I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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