The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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