I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize