listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
